The decision to downsize

I moved to Princeton, New Jersey five years ago. I accepted a tenured position at Princeton University and bought a little cape cod within walking distance of campus. The house is in a tree-lined neighborhood filled with school children just four blocks from an award winning public school.  It has a huge backyard and was already outfitted with the swing set just perfect for my daughter. The place is basically a locational jackpot.  

Although it was in a great neighborhood, the house was cramped and dark. I was moving from a huge, light-filled condo in Chicago and I was a little disappointed by the house's interior; so as soon as I moved in I started a major renovation project. It was such a great success that my house was even featured in the local paper. Having earned tenure at an Ivy League university and perfectly designed my new home I figured I would be staying put for the next thirty years. 

But life, of course, is what happens when we are making other plans. 

When I moved to Princeton I was a divorced, single mom.  It didn't take me long to realize that parenting, teaching, writing and speaking was too much for me to carry alone.  I asked my mother if she would consider retiring and moving in with my daughter and me. I could not offer her a separate house or a mother-in-law suite, but we did have an extra bedroom. She accepted, moved in and became my daughter's main care provider. My mom (Grammy) is also a talented gardener and she immediately got to work on the large yard. 

Having my mother's help was heavenly, but the pressures of being the sole breadwinner were still quite present for me. As a tenured college professor at a top university I earn a very decent income and have unbelievable job security. But the cost of living in Princeton is extraordinarily high. The renovations took most of my savings. Between the mortgage, insurance, and sky-high property taxes I was losing ground every month. I was still paying student loans, coping with consumer debt from my failed marriage, and carrying the financial weight of the household. My life was filled with wonderful opportunities and accomplishments, but it felt as though it were built on shifting sand. 

To close the gap I took additional jobs writing and lecturing. Admittedly these are amazing second jobs, made possible by my education and position. They are certainly not the kind of drudgery that so many other Americans face when they take a second job. But they are very time consuming. I found myself traveling for lectures as many as ten days out of every month.  These were days that were not spent home with my daughter (or in the house I just renovated!)  These were days that ate into my time on campus and were stolen from my academic writing schedule.  I was beginning to feel a little unbalanced. 

My health suffered. I put on more than 30 pounds. I had major surgery. And while my kid loved her school and my mom loved the yard, I discovered that Princeton University was a very poor fit for my scholarly interests and style. I have many great colleagues but could not  find a niche that fed my intellectual spirit. I spent much of my time on campus alone in my office. I was feeling even more unbalanced. 

As a result of the Obama campaign in 2008 my public writing, media appearances, and lectures expanded. In the past two years I have managed an absolutely frenetic pace of public life, academic writing, teaching, parenting, political and community work. But I was slipping off a financial and emotional cliff even as my public star shone more brightly. No matter how many hours I worked I just couldn't close the gap on debt, taxes, mortgage and daily expenses.  Every hour I worked on one project seemed to come at the expense of another. I'd have weeks of great blogs or columns but not work on the book manuscript for months. I'd deliver a terrific lecture but I'd miss the school play. I would talk to 20 students during office hours, but not be left with a moment to prep for my class the next day.  I was beginning to feel very unbalanced. 

Into the midst of all this came love. Just as I thought I might go under, the most extraordinary love I have even known showed up.  James provided me with humor, perspective, attention, and joyous acceptance of my whole self.  But like every other cascading blessing in this amazing life I was leading, I kept feeling like love was just one more responsibility to balance.  We lived more than 1000 miles apart and our relationship meant more hours in airports and an expanded budget for airline tickets for both of us.  I was happy, but the sense of imbalance had become undeniable. 

And so, with one gigantic leap of faith I decided to change the story. In late September I put my New Jersey house on the market. Despite the brutal housing market, I had an offer within a week. I won't make a profit from the sale, but I have freed myself from a brutal mortgage and obscene property taxes.  Feeling freer than ever, I married James in early October. With characteristic kindness and generosity, he offered for me, Grammy, my kid, the dog, and the two cats to join him in his modest home in New Orleans. We readily accepted. 

Over the next year we will be downsizing our stuff, our house and our budget.  Our goal is to live with less stuff so that we can live more balance. It is an adventure in downsizing. This blog is where I will chronicle the experience. I hope you will be here to share.